Anger Management

Have you heard of anyone who was required to take a course to manage their anger ?

Our goal, as we reach emotional maturity, is to learn to recognize, tolerate and manage all of our emotions, especially anger, since it has the possibility of turning into aggression.

Anger results when our expectations are not met.

Perhaps we can learn a lesson from Joe, who ‘went beserk’.

Joe’s faulty technique of managing anger was to suppress it and deny it.

When a priest mysteriously disappeared from our Parish without explanation, Joe became angry. He had an expectation that we churchgoers would be told what had happened, but we weren’t.

Joe denied feeling angry and continued coming to church, with the expectation that he would eventually find out what happened.

As the weeks went by, and the silence continued, his anger grew, until he confronted a visiting priest one morning, and demanded to know where the missing priest went.

Joe yelled, and became aggressive. He had the classic ineffective style of ‘bottle and blow’ anger. It was scary.

After he aggressively expressed his suppressed anger, he left, and didn’t return to church.

When we feel mounting anger, it gives us an opportunity to practise our assertiveness skills.

Generally we will feel physical symptoms when our unmet expectations result in anger.

For me, I clench my jaw and my face turns red.

Joe, when he first felt anger at the vanished priest, could have asked for an explanation. That was entirely within his rights.

Our anger, if we are in tune with our emotions, is an early warning sign that our expectations, whether they are realistic or not, are not being met.

We are wise when we try to resolve our feelings of anger while they are in their warning stages of frustration, or annoyance.

We are created in God’s image, and since He feels anger, we do too.

May we pray for the grace to understand our anger, and that of others.

May God give us the ability to be effective managers of all our emotions.

And, may He give us the wisdom to recognize which of our expectations are realistic, and which are not.

Photo by Isabella Kraus

35 thoughts on “Anger Management

  1. Yes, Sally! Discernment! Life is rarely black and white, and all the grey areas demand discernment.
    I like the analogy of the pressure cooker that lets off steam a little at a time But if it doesn’t, if you just let the pressure build and then take the lid off, there will be an explosion, and likely injuries.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. A good idea to let off steam little by little.
      Also great when we are emotionally aware when anger starts to build, as it generally does…little by little.
      Thanks so much for this comment, Annie. ๐Ÿค—

      Liked by 3 people

    1. Not sure it’s ALWAYS bad. Anger motivates and energizes. What you then do with all that energy is what makes the difference. Some people sit by and let a bad situation go until they are angry enough to do something about it, and they can’t ignore it any more. This can start wars, but it can also have good results, like abolishing slavery and rescuing children from human trafficking.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I totally agree with you ! We should not suppress emotions, but we can train ourselves to tolerate them, understand them, and to be pro active. Thanks for your comment. โš˜๐Ÿค—

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    1. Yes, Alan, I agree with you. ‘Ye olde enemy’ knows how destructive anger can be if we try and ignore annoyance as it builds up. Thanks for your comment. โš˜๐Ÿค—

      Liked by 1 person

  2. It often feels easier to remain angry than to confront a situation appropriately. Iโ€™m still learning. If someone does something that upsets me, I need to talk with THAT person only! Donโ€™t tell others. Calmly speak with the person or people who were actually involved. Anger is such a destructive emotionโ€”especially when not dealt with early and in the right manner! Great post, Sally?

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thanks, David !
      Great point – often if we feel ‘powerless’ to try to directly confront the person who upset us, we ‘gossip’ to others about how we were upset by that person.
      As you say, it is important to speak directly, and calmly, with the person who upset us.
      And, we need to teach this technique to children at a fairly young age – it is a part of assertiveness training. ( We know how children ‘tattle’ on others )
      Being assertive means assuring that our wants and needs are met without trampling on the wants and needs of others.
      Training our children in assertiveness skills also protects them against bullying behaviours. โš˜๐Ÿค—๐ŸŒผ

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Often times I can feel angry but not so much at the person but at the situation which seems repetitive. People are not perfect, I am not certainly, and often repeat behavior that they themselves feel powerless to stop. I realize that and my anger turns to irritation, frustration and sometimes acceptance. No one lives in a perfect world, sometimes I think I learn to live with what I can’t change about others, and that they can’t change either. All I can do is pray because I can’t fix everything.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi David ! For sure, we all, at some point, realize that there are things that we can’t fix. I often have found too, that I learn to experience acceptance rather than anger. Thanks for your comment. โš˜๐Ÿค—

      Liked by 1 person

  4. You make some excellent points, Sally. I have found that when someone makes me really angry I should wait until I’m calmed down before I discuss the situation with the person. I’m always sorry when I just “react”! Blessings, Sally!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Cindy !
      Yes, I agree that we should wait until we calm down before we discuss with someone something that has angered us. Thanks for commenting. ๐Ÿค—โš˜

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Anger is the sin that so easily besets me. I too find if I hold it in when it comes out its like an explosion. But if I take some to frame what I am angry about, have a little box to stay in I can remain calm and not explode.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I like your description of ‘framing’ what we are angry about. If we do this, we can, as you say, ‘remain calm’. Thanks for this insightful comment. ๐Ÿค—โš˜

      Like

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