How To Talk To A Man

We must avoid gender stereotypes at all costs !

Nevertheless, neuroscience supports the fact that male and female brains are ‘wired’ differently.

I grew up with brothers, and greatly admired my father. My own family is also male dominated.

Since I have spent much time talking with boys and men, I’ve observed their verbal communication style. While these observations are generalizations, they are supported by sociological research.

I offer the following, in the hopes of better understanding, and facilitating communication :

  • men’s communication style is task-oriented, and is focused on problem solving. Words are used as a necessity towards achieving a goal. This contrasts with women, who often view talking as a way of bonding, or achieving greater emotional intimacy. While a woman may desire a man to listen, and provide empathy for some difficulty that she is experiencing, men will generally seek to ‘solve the problem’ for her. Usually women will desire empathy, and a listening ear, as she works out her own solutions to a difficulty.
  • men generally are more comfortable with silence. Often women will perceive lack of talking as a symptom that something is wrong in a relationship.
  • men generally prefer to use fewer words, and use them as necessities in achieving a goal. Flowery descriptions of the decorations at a recent baby shower you attended are often not appreciated.
  • men generally are more direct communicators. They prefer not to deal in innuendos, game playing, or ‘mind reading’. Say what you mean, and mean what you say. Always avoid giving someone ‘the silent treatment’ as a form of ‘punishment’. Stonewalling destroys relationships.

  • men do not appreciate being asked to multi-task. (No one should be asked to do this). Male behaviour and language patterns are action-oriented, and goal driven.

I have learned never to attempt a conversation with my husband while he is driving !

  • men, being problem solvers, and task oriented, thrive when they know that they are appreciated, and respected. Please, tell them this, often.

It is healthy, and vital, for both men and women to develop close friendships with members of the same gender. I cherish, and appreciate my female friends, as my husband likes spending time with his buddies.

May God give us the grace to recognize that our close relationships are gifts from him, and may we treasure them, and nurture them.

Pictured are stones, and a tiny starfish, in the ‘backyard’ .

41 thoughts on “How To Talk To A Man

  1. As a guy I found this accurate and interesting. Although not all guys will fit into some of these categories. I know I am more feelings orientated and talkative than some of my peers, which winds my buddies up often. Undoubtedly emphasising the differences between men and women will not be popular in some areas nowadays.

    Liked by 6 people

  2. Hi Sally! Good to see you posting! Yes, scripture reveals that God made men and women differently, for different, but complementary and equally valuable, roles. This is certainly borne out in my own experience as well, and I think your observations fall right in line with my own. May your post help those who read it to better understand one another. God bless!

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Thanks so much for your comment, Craig. Yes, I totally agree when you say that ‘God made men and women differently, for different, but complementary and equally valuable roles.’ πŸ€—πŸŒ·

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Not all women are talkative in problem solving and not all men are silent …It depends on the person. ..
        Yes , women are more emotional usually and more sensitive in general…
        Everything is relative like 60 percent or 70 percent or whatever in stereotyping …
        In some of what you say I agree though …

        Liked by 2 people

  3. I’m glad you posted again, Sally. I was wondering if something happened, and have missed your thoughts and the fabulous seaside pictures!

    Of course there are differences between men and womenβ€”especially when it comes to communication.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Thanks, David !
      Yes, when we acknowledge that male and female communication styles differ, we can improve the quality of our relationships, and this is always pleasing to the Lord.
      Nice to hear from you. πŸ€—πŸŒ·

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Thank you Sally. It’s great to see you posting again. What a great backyard! I appreciate the subject matter here. You have done a very good job drawing general distinctions between the genders. Quite brave considering the times.

    It is often the case that β€œnecessary” conformity means a loss of identity, at least in part. God made the genders unique in their own way just as He made each individual unique. It is difficult to recognize and respect such unique distinctions in the attempt to form unions, while it is much easier to simply force conformity to a problematic standardized model in order to coerce an essentially false union, whether of two, a few, or a great many.

    The establishment of the latter comes at the great price of surrendering the great and wonderful intrinsic quality of each person and their full development. Though more difficult to form, relationships and unions which fully incorporate each person’s distinct and manifold value and worth are much stronger and vibrant. Rather than force people to become what they are not to support a contrived extraneous union, it is far better to conform to the Lord’s overall standard and His unique standard and will for each person.

    β€œYou will make known to me the path of life;
    In Your presence is fullness of joy…” [Psalm 16:11]

    Blessings to you Sally.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi RJ !
      Thank you for your astute comments.
      Yes, for sure, I agree with you.

      We have been ‘hunkering down’ on our island during the pandemic.

      Visitors have been prohibited from coming out here.
      Recently there was a court challenge to the fact that even other Canadians have been prohibited from coming to NL right now, but the challenge was upheld in the courts.
      As a result, we have been ‘safe’ from the virus, but very isolated.
      Let us all continue to pray that ‘the pandemic’ end soon.πŸŒ·πŸ€—

      Liked by 3 people

  5. Hi Sally, I came to you site to see if I had been missing your posts.
    Today’s post is intuitive and informative. I really enjoyed the lessons here. I must remember them when I want men to communicate like us women.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Hi Pene !
    Yes, for sure, it is frustrating when we expect men to communicate as women do.πŸ€—πŸŒ·.
    I spent my career working to bring about Affirmative Action and Pay Equity programs. Thus I am in total agreement in equality of the genders, but I appreciate their differences.
    Engineering and mechanical skills seem to be somewhat gender specific as well.

    I remember being very amazed when you posted photos of your son’s amazing building creations. πŸ€—

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Thank you for the post. I am glad to read this in a time where we are expected throw away years of research and act like there is no difference between being male and female. This confusion grieves my heart. I need to stop talking too much when my spouse is driving 🀭

    Liked by 3 people

    1. So good to hear from you, Temi !
      Thank you for your comment.
      When my first born son was born, I , as a Sociologist , was determined that he would be raised with no gender stereotyping.
      As he grew older I bought dolls for him, and a friend made him a little cradle for his dolls.

      That did not last long, as he quickly gravitated to cars, trucks, and Lego blocks …πŸ€—πŸŒ·

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you. I am glad to hear from you as well. I am raising the little one the same way. I allow him play with the pots, cook with me and I got him a baby doll. He liked the doll at first, but later stopped caring for it. He would rather play with his cars, animals, trucks and musical stuffs. It is okay for both genders to be uniquely different.

        Like

  8. Excellent read Sally. Much appreciation. Thank you….I’ve married for 47 years and I thank God that I see the opposite in my husband – we talk a lot in the car while he is driving etc. BUT i definitely agree with you re my brothers. Oh dear!!!

    Liked by 4 people

  9. Great piece, and so true. I was at a church meeting discussing differt ways men and women think. While women’s brains are described as open plan thinking, in other words thinks of different things all at once. That is why women can multitask…Men are more compartmentalized and more focus on task. Therefore, we as women can’t interrupt them when watching something on TV, wanting to talk about the meaning of life🀣. I agree that silent treatment is wrong. Communication is the base of all relationship, which you destroy if you don’t speak up about what bothers you. I lost a dear friend because she stopped talking to me… Thanks for sharing your thoughts. God bless you πŸ˜πŸ€—

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Hi !
      Thank-you for reading and commenting.
      I really agree with you.
      Timing is so important in communication.
      I agree with you that the ‘silent treatment’ is very destructive, and can be considered a form of emotional abuse. πŸŒ·πŸ€—

      Like

      1. My husband isn’t much of a talker, except when he is explaining something . As a wife you learn the moods of your loved one. And it is okay not to want to be talkative all the time. I usually give him his space. But if he or you are angry, then it is better to talk things out. The bible says in Ephesians 4:26 to “…don’t stay angry. Don’t go to bed angry. Don’t give the devil that kind of foothold in your life.” People don’t communicate anymore, but if they do many conflicts will be solved.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Probably you could ask him…πŸ€—
        Or , you could look at his pattern of communication, whether or not he usually becomes silent if he is angry.
        Stonewalling, or ‘giving the silent treatment’, is learned behaviour, and qualifies as a form of emotional abuse.
        Children especially, when experiencing ‘the silent treatment’ as a form of ‘discipline,’ can find this treatment especially devasting.
        Thanks for reading and commenting. πŸŒ·πŸ€—

        Like

  10. Hi Sally,

    Great article! And great to see you posting – I’d been missing your posts.

    Myself I am very good at multi-tasking but as we say in my country ” the exception may prove the rule :D”. And well, I have noticed that when I watch movies with my female friends, they will normally feel comfortable with having a conversation while watching the movie, however my male friends will often tell me to stop talking ’cause they cannot concentrate on the movie because of me talking πŸ˜€

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Hi Mark !
      Nice to hear from you.
      I’ve been in isolation during isolation during the pandemic, on our island of NL.
      There has been a travel ban on people coming here, even from other parts of Canada. We have been missing seeing family and friends. πŸ€—πŸŒ·

      Thanks for your comments.
      Environment also plays a role, I think, in communication style. Since many of my closest relationships have been with boys and men, I definitely have adopted the communication style that I’ve seen them using. πŸ€—πŸŒ·

      Like

  11. In general your distinctions are sound. I have to say, however, that, having spent a lifetime as an active listener I did not see it as my job to solve problems, but rather to ask the right questions. When I talk about my feelings the last think I want is for someone to attempt to solve the problem – I’d rather have empathy. You have done well to open up this debate.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, Derrick, I so agree with you. I also spent my career as an active listener. Listening actively, and with empathy, is an act of great caring.
      Thanks for reading, and commenting. πŸŒ·πŸ€—

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much for reading.
      We have been very isolated, since we live on an island off the East coast of Canada.
      We have strict travel restrictions in place which have prevented friends and family from visiting.
      God is good, though, always, and he comforts us in every situation. πŸ€—

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi ! My husband does this too.
      I gently tell him that I would prefer him to actively listen, and show empathy while I try to solve my own problems.
      But, we know that they try to solve our problems for us because they love us. πŸŒ·πŸ€—

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Very insightful post!! I like to multi-task because I would rather stay busy than bored, and talking while driving is a great thing to me (that would maybe be like multi-tasking) but I agree with you! And sincerely praise most men, and he’ll fight battles and climb mountains for you!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Jeff !
      Yes, for sure; sincere praise and showing deserved respect are so much more effective than ‘nagging’.
      The Bible gives warnings about ‘nagging’ wives.
      I appreciate your feedback very much. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

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